Distraught

I am distraught

I got accident.

Bart met with an accident

I drove. SLowly. The guy in front stopped. I din realise. Hit him

Maybe i do drive badly. My parents say i drive too fast, say i am not careful, say i am careless. Maybe i am really bad at judgement. Cannot see. Cannot for the life of me judge the distance infront of me. Struggle to come to terms with life. Attempting to see through the mist of time.

Battling inner demons. Have realised i have sinned much against a dear close friend. I am sorry. Should not have done what i done.

Struggling with guilt, burden, hatred, anger. Some people say i am stable. Like oceans with unseen currents i too have changes.

I wonder if i should continue this path. What path am i on? Am i on a path.

I am distraught.

I am sorry. I am not who i thought i was. I have so many failings why would you see any. Would you know? DO you know? Can you see. Can you feel? Rub below the surface and see the ugliness. Recoil back in disdain as you realise the rotten stench that permeates.

I am confused.

PAths come and go, lining my life, throwing choices into chaos. Order into pandamonium. Right into wrong, white into black. Dreams into nightmares. Hopes into catastrophe. Destiny into despair.

I am floating.

I run but do not stop. Seek but find others. Search but am stuck. In the desert i transverse sand dunes, cross rivers, spit out dust, cry out dirt. Parched lips cacked with grains of time bleed out in sores.

I am drowning.

I am distraught.