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This post is a rant.
there is something inside of me. I believe it is part mental, part spiritual. I find loneliness wherever I look. I find that loneliness is a friend to me. Yet I know that is a lie. That the devil wants me alone. To take me down. To take me out.
Does that make me holier than thou? No. Each christian has his or her own dark area, his her own gift which become his or her own strength, and weakness. For some, it will be the understanding of the bible. For others, it will be the gift of playing music instrument, the gift of blogging even. For me, it is relationships.
Do not get me wrong, it is not BGR that I seek. I know that I want a relationship, but I also know, now is not the time. Now is really a lonely heart that wants a girlfriend. And that immediately makes me unsuitable for a girl. I do not blame anyone, just know that this a phase that I go through. We all do.
Relationships in a friend way. The people whom I come into contact with, whether close friends like Rachel, Ivan, Queenie, Evan, Ben, or distant friends like Winnie, Benjamin from NZ and MArtin from NZ. Or even just acquaintances. Most of all, my relationship with God. TO me, there is nothing more dear than relationship. Even, dare i say this, the word of God.
Yes, the word is important and all that. But i mean, i believe that God wants us to know him from the word, not just know about him. The word is like the foundation of a building. The relationship is the building. The word is the basis of everything we believe, we do, we live. But it is not the end goal. The end goal, the building, is the relationship we have with God.
There is a big divide between me and VCF. I dunno if it is really me, that i am really so wrong. That i am really in danger of leading people away. Would someone please show me where have i gone wrong. Where have i gone astray. Where have i fallen from the truth. Show me please. Where have i gone wrong?
But hey, that is only the superficial issue. The biggest issue, the biggest problem. the biggest hurt, is the distance i feel. And i know it is not there. No way. No distance. The hurt is from within. And i do not understand why.
Help me. How can i minister if i am broken. How can i minister if i do not know if what i do is right. How can i love god, if i do not know if it is god i hear. How can i pray for my friends, if i do not know if where i go is where god wants. Help me
there is something inside of me. I believe it is part mental, part spiritual. I find loneliness wherever I look. I find that loneliness is a friend to me. Yet I know that is a lie. That the devil wants me alone. To take me down. To take me out.
Does that make me holier than thou? No. Each christian has his or her own dark area, his her own gift which become his or her own strength, and weakness. For some, it will be the understanding of the bible. For others, it will be the gift of playing music instrument, the gift of blogging even. For me, it is relationships.
Do not get me wrong, it is not BGR that I seek. I know that I want a relationship, but I also know, now is not the time. Now is really a lonely heart that wants a girlfriend. And that immediately makes me unsuitable for a girl. I do not blame anyone, just know that this a phase that I go through. We all do.
Relationships in a friend way. The people whom I come into contact with, whether close friends like Rachel, Ivan, Queenie, Evan, Ben, or distant friends like Winnie, Benjamin from NZ and MArtin from NZ. Or even just acquaintances. Most of all, my relationship with God. TO me, there is nothing more dear than relationship. Even, dare i say this, the word of God.
Yes, the word is important and all that. But i mean, i believe that God wants us to know him from the word, not just know about him. The word is like the foundation of a building. The relationship is the building. The word is the basis of everything we believe, we do, we live. But it is not the end goal. The end goal, the building, is the relationship we have with God.
There is a big divide between me and VCF. I dunno if it is really me, that i am really so wrong. That i am really in danger of leading people away. Would someone please show me where have i gone wrong. Where have i gone astray. Where have i fallen from the truth. Show me please. Where have i gone wrong?
But hey, that is only the superficial issue. The biggest issue, the biggest problem. the biggest hurt, is the distance i feel. And i know it is not there. No way. No distance. The hurt is from within. And i do not understand why.
Help me. How can i minister if i am broken. How can i minister if i do not know if what i do is right. How can i love god, if i do not know if it is god i hear. How can i pray for my friends, if i do not know if where i go is where god wants. Help me
posted by W | Friday, August 04, 2006
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