Insomic

I cannot sleep.

It is now 2 in the morning, and i am awake after a mere three hours of sleep. I cannot explain it.

Things have been going on. Not really sure how to vocalise them, so I shall not. I cannot admit that it was easy, neither can I say it was entirely a shock. Sometimes, I just wished life was easier.

I think life is hard. Life is hard because that is what it makes it worth living. We come into contact with situations that force us to make tough choices. We come into maturity by making hard choices. We come into character by bearing the consequences of our choices. We come into destiny by choosing the appropriate path.

Many situations force us to make tough choices. When we are younger, the tough choices include following our friends, obeying our parents, listening to elders. Doing our homework or watching tv. Going out with friends or staying at home. Choices that involve sacrifice, and the sacrifice is known as OPPORTUNITY COST. But when we grow up, the choices become harder. The opportunity cost rises. We make harder decisions. To work here or there. To stay in a relationship or to get out. To wait or not to wait. To stay a believer or to walk away. To buy this or that.

We come into maturity by making hard choices. Yet it is those very same hard choices that marks our maturity. When we were young, such choices trained us for a lifetime of life. When we are old enough and have to make tough decisions, it is those decisions that mature us. We learn to assess situations and develop decision making skills. We learn to count the cost and walk that path. We learn to be grown up to make the decisions ourselves. Maturity is not an incident; it is a journey.

We come into character by bearing the consequences of our choices. The choices we make have consequences. There are always consequences and repercussions. But our character is formed through hardship. When we encounter hardship as a result of a decision, do we back down immediately? If we choose to teach and hardship comes, do we back out immediately? If we find ourselves in a JC that we do not like, do we whine and complain? If we are in a relationship that has problems, do we sort things out? Character like maturity is forged over time. No one has character; it is carved out. A mature character makes hards choices and sticks to them. True, there are times when we need to change, but that is when information that comes in greatly differs from what we had at the time of decision making.

We come into destiny by choosing the appropriate path. A mature character at the end of the day is our destiny. God did not make us for anything else. But a man or woman in His image. One that has maturity and one that has character. Identity. There may be no I in team, but there is Me. Identity.

Sometimes we will make decisions on impulse. Nearly all the time we make decisions with a lack of information. But this is key. Choices will have to be made. The issue is not so much whether we've made the right choice all the time, but more that have we put in effort to make the choices right?

Leaving

I have left CJC officially.

I am now a student teacher. Essentially, I am a student who is paid to study. I have no idea what to expect as I get conflicting advice. I shall simply go there with an open mind and experience life.

Right now I am struggling over some doubts. Some issues that have cropped up in my life. I don't know what to do. I want things to work out, yet somehow I am not sure how they work out. I wish things were easier, but they are not.

There are struggles that people do not see and merely think that I have no issues. There are struggles in my life that others somehow just fail to see, fail to remedy. I do not know what to do.

God is not silent. I am merely not listening to Him.

Movies

I watched Hancock and Wanted. Wanted was a show that broke so many physics laws it should be behind bars in physics world. Hancock was well, interesting.

Personally, i felt Wanted had too much blood, gore. But i remembered one line and it was spoken by Angeline Jolie: "We never know how far the ripples of our decision reach". I find that line so true.

In life, every decision we make has ripples. And the truth is we do not know how far the ripples reach. We cannot really tell but what we know is that every decision we make has consequences. As Samuel L Jackson in Jumper says, "There are always consequences". We need to realise that every decision is important.

However, we cannot be made impotent by that fact. We need to occasionally ignore the issues on hand, and simply make the decisions. We cannot be overawed by the amount of information available, or to hold decision indefinitely until we have all the information. The truth is, you never will know how far the repercussions of a decision is. So the next best thing? Evaluate and when ready, jump.

The next movie i caught was Hancock. Was a good movie. I liked it because of one scene where a girl had a conversation with another person.

"We are immortals until we find our partner. Then we slowly cease to be immortals."

"Why?"

"So that we can be like mortals and live our lives out normally."


Hancock is a movie where the immortals are like people searching for their one true love (another immortal). They are drawn to each other. Once they find each other, they lose their powers and become mortal in order to live out their lives in love. What happens is that Hancock's other half is shot and mortally wounded. Hancock chooses to run away so that she can regain immortality. He stays away later, so that he can be the super hero.

I love this part because it shows the power of Love. Love does not demand that both parties stay with each other or that they must be a certain way to the other. Love demands an action that is costly. Love demands a sacrifice. Love demands that the other person's best interests are put forward. Hancock chooses to live a life of eternal want in order that he may do his duty, and ensure his loved one is still able to find love.

Life is full of teachings wherever we go. Open your eyes and see.