I choose

So many things have been happening, one of which is NUS exams.

At level four, the idea is not to finish the paper, or even to know what to do, but simply do and hope for the best. papers are not designed to be finished, or even to be done...

I wish i could say that my faith in God has risen. i wish i could say that my faith is unshakable. That i can boldly go to church, continue to serve God, continue to go prayer meetings. I wish i had faith of a mustard seed.

I do not. I have lost some faith in God.

Don't get me wrong. I love God. I still talk and hear him. Certain events have put me in question of God's plan for me, of whether i am with his plan, whether his plans are really to prosper and not to harm me. And i just feel like i am outside of his plans.

I know elijah was called to desert to be with God. Just that now, i feel very very lost, uncertain. And needing some guidance.

My friend said that spiritual leadership is sometimes a lonely process. I think that is true, but i guess the next question is if i am cut out. I dunno, just think people doubt i can lead them spiritually, and sometimes that really affects me.

Lord lord, take this cup away from me, but not my will, but yours be done

Of good governance, that goes beyond the abyss

The seperation of state and government is a beef i have with my authoritarian government.

The singapore government is by no means a weakling; by far a democratic system ruled in an authoritarian style. What really irks me is the use of a state tool in an governmental election

SM Mr Goh Chok Tong warned "voters that those wards which elected an opposition candidate would be the last in line for upgrading and risked becoming 'slums'". - Singapore's ruling party warns voters against opposition.

This was something that caused me to wonder, what have we become. When will the singaporeans awake and realise their rights?

The rights of HDB does not lie with PAP. The rights of a home, the rights to a acceptable life in singapore, the rights to a life at all, is an inalienable right of a singaporean owe to him or her not by PAP but by of the State of Singapore of which PAP does NOT, Can not and Must not represent. PAP is the government, not the State. These rights are owed to the Singaporean by the state. Not the government.

(Note i left out free thought.)

Let me clarify. the state is the organ which shoudl control the HDB upgrading. It is a state, and hence, political boundary neutral party, which should decide which district gets funds for upgrading. The upgrading carrot irks me to no end. The PAP has no right to use that as a carrot at all.

Funds from the state organ should be distributed evenly through the entire country. Per person basis if necessary. This means even MRT, roads, all these come under the organ of the state. The main difference is this; if the plan, project etc does not end when the ruling party cedes its rule, then such a project belongs to the state to run. The party in power can of course claim credit for it, but to use it as a tool to beat people into voting is a gross miscarriage of power.

By all means, PAP use the fact that you've lead singapore to be a miracle. use the fact that we have the highest home ownership, lowest infant mortality rates, highest GDP per capita or near enough. Those are your strengths. To stoop down to the level of beating about the bush and fighting at the low end is stupid. Come on, the government i know is much more that that.

PAP led singapore to be what it is today not by playing dirty with the world, but being open, being strong, being decisive. being most of all, adapting. Now with it's own people, the people who gave them the power, the true wielders of the power, you have usurped the power of the people and used it to crush them. Power of governance comes from people. Not from the government.

Why this post? i dont know. I just pray that my government rises up to the challenge, that my nation rises up to the challenge to stop hiding in the fear of the unknown by controlling all the variables by fearing dissenters and instead dare to answer uncertainty with confidence. Dare to answer dissenters with facts and not bullying tactics (jail). Dare to be brave and show good governance. For such a government i would willingly vote.

tabernacle of death, of life

Last night, i woke at 3 am. Had a splitting headache. Prevented me from sleeping.

And i prayed. And God spoke.

We are the temple of God in this world. We are the temple, the tabernacle. The temple lacks two things. No steps, no cut rocks.

No steps because nothing we do is good enough to step up to God. Nothing we can do is worthy to bring us near GOd. Nothing.

No cut rocks, because it is not our actions, not our works that brings us to God. Nothing we do is worthy as a sacrifice for God.

The tabernacle starts out with a death. The death of the sacrifice. The ark was kept in the tabernacle, and it represented death. Anyone who see it, anyone who touches it, will die. Until we have death, the tabernacle of death stayed as a tabernacle of death. Until we die, it will stay as death.

But realise this, once we die, once we lay our lifes down for Christ, once we die, then life can come in. Then the tabernacle will be one of life. One where the blood of christ will flow over us, bring us life.

Last night, my temple started to be build. A death occurred. A sacrifice. Of pride. Of sins. Of pain. of Hurt. Of gurdges. Of everything not of God. All sacrificed. A fire lit by God, the fires of holy spirit, the fire that lighted the candles in the holy place, that same fire raged inside and consumed the sacrifices. The light burns. The altar of incense is lit.

God wants me to rebuild the temple. The temple of God within me. Is to be rebuild with the sacrifices of God. A broken and contrite spirit. The fires of God will burn within. I wnat to be led by the fire of Holy Spirit. i want to be led by the spirit.

Complainers

Channel News Asia reports quite accurately that we have become a nation of complainers.

"A nation of complainers" and "a society increasing reliant on the Government for help" were among the sadder - and harsher - labels mentioned. - Today newspaper, Leong Wee Keat (10/11/06)

That is true. For once i have to agree with the governments extremely astute examination of the issue at hand. We have become soft as a nation, with every little problem being brought back to our leaders.

Deeper inspection however, evens out the blame to both the government and the people. On the one hand, the government wants us to stand independent. Then let us stand independent, whether for or harshly against you. The government of Singapore has done a great task in singapore, building us up. Providing so much great stuff in Singapore. House ownership is one of the highest in the world, Per capita GDP is not far from the first, Per Capita GDP PPP is within the top five. Corruption index, crime rates all first class. Singaporeans have had society handed to them on a gold plate with diamonds ingrained.

However, think about our laws. Draconian. Going against the government gets you a nice long sentence. Freedom is harshly curtailed. Oppositions quashed. decisions such as number of members in the family, sexual positions, number of people meeting in public, amount of savings etc, all controlled. how do you want your people to stand as a nation, dependent on their own two feet, if you choose to cut off the feet of the people.

Economics loves the idea of tradeoff. And therein is the trade off. If you want independence, you gotta let people make the decisions themselves. Social planners role causes people to ignore the need for self decisions.

If i have one grudge, it would be this. The singapore government causes us to be dependent on them, by making our decisions align excessively with their vision of right and wrong. Law and order must exist, but taking a look at our justice system which is guilty unless proven innocent, i feel we have gone overboard, under the sea into the abyss.

Independence, for each singaporean to shut up and stand on their own two feet, then let us stand. Like children, the only way for you to let them learn, is to let them learn wrongly. Sure you keep them from harm; dun play with fire. But you let them learn; when they run stairs, they fall and they hurt.

dun blame the singaporeans. MPs are singaporeans as well. We are singaporeans. If we do not love one another, who will be there for us?

Fear of God

i think knowing the Fear of God was best represented when the bible characters met God. Moses, Elijah, Jacob.

Meeting God puts you into a realisation, a deep revelation, that the only thing that keeps you from certain death, from certain termination, is the Mercy of God. The Grace of God. Nothing else keeps you from death. Nothing you do, nor say, can keep you from dying should the Almighty's Holiness consume you.

That is why we need to do QT. We need to encounter God. God wants to meet us on mountain tops, in secret place, in places where we truly realise our vulnerability. When we are stripped of all our hidden places. Where we come to face the truth, the fierce truth. When we see our God in all His Awesomness, when you realise how you small you actually are.

At that point, at the sole place of worship, the realisation of who your God really is. And when you really have to fall down, and cry Holy Holy Holy, because the one attribute of God, is HOLINESS. HOLINESS TO THE LORD!

i cannot. God Can
i know not. God Knows
i am not. God Is
i was not. God Was
i will not. God Will