Heart Surgery

The word i got for this week is transformation.

And to do that, is the heart surgery i need. Prov tells us to guard our heart for from it springs the issues of life (Prov 4:23). Jam 1:14 - 15 tells us the reason we sin, that there is desires. Roms 1 tells us of the wrong transformation, one where we are transformed wrongly to a sinful life.

But as God manages the deepest issues in my life, the removal of desires not for God, i find myself confronting my greatest struggles. My deepest battles against loneliness. The pains i buried, to ignore. I realise that deep within me is a cry. A cry that i have not heard for so long. And that cry i need to deal with. The cry to be heard.

I hav forgotten how to listen to hearts. I hear but do not listen, i have ears but speak too much. I need to remember to hear the cry of hearts, the tears that people cannot see. The pain that people ignore. I need to go back to the root of listening.

Last night, God told me again, love my people. Love my people without expectation of return. Love my people like I love them. In the face of rejection, God continues to love.

Anyway i need to confess, i have not taken up the ministry of God seriously. God gave me the ministry of JYC, and i have wasted the time there. Wasted the people who join JYC, the leaders. Everyone's time i have wasted simply by not taking the ministry seriously. How many youths have i caused to lose their hope in righteousness. I dunno, but i realise that i have squandered my responsibility away. Being lazy. I need to recapture the burden from God.

Listen

Beyonce Knowles - Listen lyrics

Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
[Listen Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So long ago

Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen...

[Chorus]

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't....
If you won't....

LISTEN!!!...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my ownn...
(Thanks to http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/beyonce_knowles_lyrics_728/bday_lyrics_30631/listen_lyrics_332433.html)

Anyway i just had a conversation with a friend, and it really irritates me.

We have become a generation of christians who know how to give answers, who are trained to know what answers are to be given to what questions. We have forgotten how to love one another.

Love does not entail giving answers. Love does not mean we point each other back to God. Yes that is our ultimate objective. Yes we need to bring the person back to the realisation that God is who the person needs. But we need to stop playing church, stop giving cliche answers. Start listening to the person's heart cry. What exactly is the person saying?

Don't listen to the person, hear his heart. This is the key to relationships, and i admit i have stopped it. Because let me tell you, hearing a person's heart is the hardest thing to do. Up to now, i know of none who does it well. Listen to the heart. Not to the problem. Don't be problem orientated, or solution driven. Be person focused. God's whole purpose of life is relationship. If relationship is about doing, then God would just have washed the entire creation away in the flood and left us there. But He rebuild the world, in the desire for a relationship.

He tore the veil that we might approach Him. He tells us His secrets if only we would seek Him. He says Seek and He will be found. Draw near, and the lord WILL draw near. God is not about making us grow; He is about knowing each other.

Know one another. Listen to them. Walk with them. Until you earn the right to speak into their lives.

Wondering

Well, signed with MOE and all that. Pray that I have actually heard and obeyed.

These few days, did not do QT. Have not the strength to sit down and just be quiet before God. I think it affects my temper badly. Lost my temper at another driver, whom i dunno if really my fault or hers. But anyway feeling that i been over reactive lately. Need to find the secret place with God again.

That is all for now.

(all of a sudden, i am feeling very lonely. Friends getting together, staying together. Whilst i am alone. Bleah. Maybe i should start praying. For anyone!!!)

I want to OBEY you God

Well that is it. I am officially turning down an offer with SIA, which entails

2.6k a month for 16 months a year on average (4 months bonus)
One free ticket (economy return) to anywhere
Subsidised tickets
Great ROA.

But at the end of the day, the call is this: Am i prepared to set aside my dreams, desires, even blessings, that i may fulfill my calling, my purpose, indeed my destiny? Am i prepared to obey God even unto i sacrifice?

Obedience is not obedience until you learn to sacrifice what you really want for what you know God wants. If there is no price, if i had no other Job, that is not obedience by boh pian. Now i cannot say no choice, i have a great choice. But i have decided, to follow jesus. No turning back, no turning back. Only trust and obey.

It is hard, but at the end of the day, I have to be about my Father's business.

Homosexuals versus Heterosexuals (edited)

There are two contrasting websites that have been circulating around. Both are on the Homsexual issue, specifically the issue of sex. (legal term: Unnatural offences)

Here is the act (http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/, Section 377 of the Penal Code):


Unnatural offences.

377.

Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animals, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 10 years, and shall also be liable to fine.

Explanation.Penetration is sufficient to constitute the carnal intercourse necessary to the offence described in this section.


Outrages on decency.

377A.

Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of gross indecency with another male person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years.


This blog is NOT about homsexuals and their sex life. This blog is about the responses.

Two online petitions have been set up, one called http://repeal377a.com/ and the other http://www.keep377a.com/. Their names should tell you the idea behind the petitions.

The issue i am struggling is that i am convinced by neither side of their stand. On the one hand, i agree with Repeal that sexual acts between two or more people are private choices and since they do not affect others, the law should not be used to restrict the rights of others who desire to practice such sexual acts. On the other, i do feel that Keep does have a point in that its view is the more prevalent view in singapore; Singapore is concerned about the masses and not so much the minority and in some cases the needs of many outweigh the needs of few.


Keep's stand is that if we repeal the law, going by examples in the world we will find that our society will soon degenerate into a very bad moral standing. The slippery slope argument, our known moral standards will be trampled upon and we will be no different from the world. Remembering the casino debate, someone did asked is Singapore heading the wrong way. Perhaps we are.

There is no sure evolution of the way societies head. We may say that every other society becomes a certain type, but then we are not sure that is the path we lead. Every society is different, just because that society developed into that stage does not mean we become that type.

What makes Keep even more unattractive is simply there is nothing else to their stand. There is no valid point strong enough for me to place my beliefs in. Perhaps we should consider the stand that not just is sex between two consenting males is illegal, but we should consider instead fighting against sex outside marriage. Sex (God's design) is the ultimate connection between male and female. It must be in the context of a marriage; outside that it is wrong.

That said, Repeal does not appeal to my tastes. Their reasons for change is due to changing domestic outlook on homosexuals, on international trends, on the damage to the gay community

International trends are not a reason for following. Gay marriages, the permission for pornography, the tolernace for drug absuers etc are reasons why not. We must never allow our society to develop in the manner in which the world dictates it should.

Domestic trends should not be used as a measure of the law; the law has a purpose is safeguarding the interests of the country and not the desires of the people, and more importantly of the 'so called minority'.

I do not agree that homsexuals deserve the term minority simply because such a term has a means that the behaviour of a homosexual is normal. It is correct for men to love men, women to love women, sexually. I am a firm believer that we are NOT born gay; God made MAN and WOMAN in HIS IMAGE. A homosexual image essentially contradicts heterosexuality. This is not about contrast or about tension, this is contradiction. Just like God is both Good and Bad, Light and Darkness, all knowing and not knowing. Contradictions that are NOT true. God is NOT both Good and Bad. He cannot be.

Ultimately, i wonder if repeal or keep are promoting their own agenda or the agenda of others. Is Keep trying to influence the making of law because they benefit from the status quo or is it because they truly believe this is for the betterment of society. Is Repeal trying to further the cause of the gays or is it fighting for greater freedom by attacking small areas of the law?

Personally, i am keen for repeal because the law should not be used as a tool of oppressing the masses in their strictly private life. That is why i believe that homsexuals may practice whatever sex they so desire behind closed doors; however they should not be given the tag of 'minority' group nor should they be treated as specially from the rest. Teaching that homsexuality is normal is not right, but neither is condemning them for what they do in private. At the end of the day, what you choose to do behind closed doors is your life, but the moment it intrudes on my life, then i believe I have the right to respond to it.

Also, Singaporeans, Singapore is YOUR country. YOU have a very heavy ONUS to tell YOUR government whether it is doing the right thing or not. You need to tell them what you think, because they WORK for you, not you for them. They have power given BY you; we give them the right to rule, to do things best for our country. But we need to tell them what we think is best, and they act accordingly.

(excerpt from keep)
Sexual preference is not about civil rights and has nothing to do with equality or tolerance. Repealing S377A would in fact be the first step towards mainstreaming the homosexual lifestyle, which has been shown elsewhere to lead to:

Calls to specify the minimum age for consensual homosexual sex;

A public education system that teaches acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle under the banner of "tolerance";

The redefinition of marriage to include (gay) civil unions and same-sex marriages, and to extend marriage and parenthood benefits to them;

Adoption by same-sex parents.

(excerpt from Repeal)
The reasons why this repeal is so important are manifold.

1. Singapore’s Founding Principles.

2. Constitutional and Legal Rights.

3. International Social Mores and Trends.

4. Domestic Social Mores and Trends.

5. Damage to the Gay Community.

6. Pragmatism, Leadership and the Future.

Divorce Fair?

Vienna to host world's first-ever 'divorce fair' (Channel News Asia 17 Oct 2007)

When i read this, my heart took a leap. According to the report,

"Vienna is to host what organisers have dubbed the world's first "divorce fair" this month, aimed at couples whose wedding dreams have turned sour and who need help in untying the knot as painlessly as possible. "
...
"Nearly 50 percent of all marriages in Austria end in divorce and the figure is 66 percent in Vienna. The upcoming two-day fair is being held under the motto: "Start your life afresh". Organisers are hoping it will bloom into a twice-yearly event. "

Nothing hurts more then a divorce. As a christian, i believe strongly against divorce. I know there are people who argue that sometimes there is no choice; well, i believe there is a choice.

I know i am not going to win converts here, but i say this with all honesty, i will never look to divorce as an option, much less a choice. A marriage is a sacred union of two people far closer then any other two can become, closer even the parent child. When we opened the doors for divorce, we open a can of worms.

Christians, note that divorce is NOT part of God's plan AT ALL.
Mat 19:8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. (italics added)

God never allowed for divorce; it was allowed for because of the HARDNESS of our hearts. In any marriage, divorce is due to the hardening of hearts. When we harden our hearts and do not humble ourselves, we set ouselves up for a fall, for a violent fall. We rebel against God. I believe with God's grace, it is possible to save the marriage, more to bring LIFE back into the dead are of marriage.

My Testimony

This is my Testimony. It is not so that others may see and believe, it is so that I may read and remember.

I graduated from NUS in June, specifically June 30. Technically my exams ended 28 april and then it was off to EUROPE!!!!

I started to look for a job in early july. I knew a few things:
No banks/"church work"
Teaching after a few years.

I applied for several, MoM, MoH, MoF, Mizhu, SMU, CAAS, NCSS, MFA, STB, SIA

God intervened. Only the bank, CAAS and SMU responded. (SMU later realised I was Fresh Grad. On hindsight, I believe God gave me what I wanted. Response.)

I was also offered a temp (4mths) job at IBM. But it required that I not leave for the duration of my employment. My mom dissuaded me from taking it. I now can say uneqivocally that God intervened through my mom.

The places I wanted to and could go were closed to me. God did not let me go. My friends were given access. I was praying.

Then God asked me one day, is teaching a job? I replied yes.

Days later, He asked me why I din apply. I said I was not qualified/experienced ... .
God replied, I qualify the call.

So I applied for relief teaching. God opened the door. I found myself being recommended for a teaching job by a friend. I took it up. The amazing thing was, i later found out, my friend was doing relief for another teacher. That teacher was a teacher from SAS (Saint Andrew's Secondary.) She taught me in her last year at SAS and i remember her, not because of her teaching, but how she was as a person. Dun ask me to explain, i cannot, but somehow i just knew she was someone who was different. I discovered all this when i was praying for confirmation.

Teaching at fairfield really opened up my eyes to what God called me to do. It is something special on my heart. Something that i can really relate to, and have a passion for. Both teaching and connecting with the students.

But now I am still walking. Small steps. God says baby steps. Again and again, He is calling me to go to him at ANY time I am tempted. At any time I am struggling, to go to him for help. And God gives grace to the one who is humble. As long as we choose to submit to God, He will send grace.

Now as I am continued to be called back to Fairfield, I learnt a lot of lessons so valuable. Firstly, the students they want and need to know that you are on their side. They need to know that someone is not fighting them, someone is fighting FOR them. They want to know that they are cherished and loved. They want to know that they have a chance. Because they themselves have forgotten they have a chance.

Most of all, they need to be loved more then to be taught. Many of them do not see a future, much less a destiny or a destination. Our jobs are sometimes to help them search for an attainable destiny and help them work out how to get there.

And now is the call to obedience. Even as I wondered whether I should take up the job of teaching, I believe that God is one who never forces. He has given me the option of saying no; SIA is calling me back for the last round and i think it is usually where they offer you the job. I think. This is God's way of saying, it is your choice. I know in my heart, He wants me to teach. At least for now.

On another note: To 4i: You guys really taught me alot about being a teacher, being patient and loving you guys. For that, i will never sacrifice the experience. NEVER.