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Today's post: Brought to you by, the Sandman.

zzz

In class. I am sleepy. ha ha.

World 3rd largest Car manufacturer

Today's post is brought to you by, the worlds 3rd largest automobile manufacturer, Toyota.

I drove Evan's Mom's toyota corolla Altis today. And well, i have to say this for the car.

It is a car. I have decided, after driving two corollas, one vios and even the 1.8 corolla altis;s toyota is a car. Nothing more, nothing less. It is reliable. it is efficient. It does have some power worth mentioning about. It is easy to manage, pretty obedient too. But it is a car that is so common on the roads, i have seen at least three other altis parked beside me. Today.

I mean come on, i want a car that is a bit different. A bit more active and more sporty. Don't get me wrong, toyotas are fine if you want to go from point A to point B. If you want to get there efficiently and on time, get a toyota. But a toyota does not let you drive. It makes you want to just sit back and let the engine move you> It does not engage you. it is heart breakingly common.

Forgetful people like me would without a doubt go to the wrong car time and time again, esp as Corolla altis are so common. Even the vios is bad enough.

I have seen many toyota families. That is a vios, an altis and a camry. In a row. A happy toyota family. To complete, look for a rav 4 or a estima and there you have it.

Toyotas. They drive singaporeans.

World 3rd largest Car manufacturer

Today's post is brought to you by, the worlds 3rd largest automobile manufacturer, Toyota.

I drove Evan's Mom's toyota corolla Altis today. And well, i have to say this for the car.

It is a car. I have decided, after driving two corollas, one vios and even the 1.8 corolla altis;s toyota is a car. Nothing more, nothing less. It is reliable. it is efficient. It does have some power worth mentioning about. It is easy to manage, pretty obedient too. But it is a car that is so common on the roads, i have seen at least three other altis parked beside me. Today.

I mean come on, i want a car that is a bit different. A bit more active and more sporty. Don't get me wrong, toyotas are fine if you want to go from point A to point B. If you want to get there efficiently and on time, get a toyota. But a toyota does not let you drive. It makes you want to just sit back and let the engine move you> It does not engage you. it is heart breakingly common.

Forgetful people like me would without a doubt go to the wrong car time and time again, esp as Corolla altis are so common. Even the vios is bad enough.

I have seen many toyota families. That is a vios, an altis and a camry. In a row. A happy toyota family. To complete, look for a rav 4 or a estima and there you have it.

Toyotas. They drive singaporeans.

Conviction, preference

I just had an amazing service today.

The speaker today was Pastor Sam from another church, and he is really anointed by God. SOmeone who really has a passion and committment to God, with the joy and the heart of a young man.

ANyway his thrust today, or at least the part of the message that i felt was really speaking to me, was that we can choose to prefer or to be convicted.

Preference means to make a stand only because the decision appears to be right and profitable at the time of selection. This may mean that we follow only for the purposes of profit, but when the going gets tough, we get lost.

Conviction on the other had literally means to follow through the entire event whole heartedly. in game theory, this means to make a decision to commit in order to force the other player to have lesser options, or less attractive options.

In life we can choose to play the first or the second option. Either we prefer the choice because of the payoff, or we play the second because we believe in the concept so strongly that we are willing to pay a price first to ensure committment to the decision made.

I prayed strongly that i am convicted by christ, because when i look in my life, i see so much of a mess. I see nothing but tumoil. I see nothing but disaster, failed attempts to follow christ. I perceive nothing but really a whole trail of bad decisions and mistakes. I see nothing useful.

But god reminded me something. When he picks me up, when he forgives and when he cleans me up, there is no turning back. It means literally the old has been shed, the new is here to stay. there is no old anymore. we are in the new creation. the past, is as should be, in the past and forgotten. God wants me to live a life worth living, a life that is in the present , and in the now. Not in the past and not in the yesterday. But in the now.

I know i have a trail of failures, let downs and spoilt history. But i also know, that God cleans it all off, for a new start. And this time, i am convicted.

Judge

I wonder.

Christians are told we are not to judge others. Yet at the same time we are to tell someone, in love, when the person has done wrong.

How can you tell someone that he or she has done something wrong if the you have not judged?

I think god wants us to judge. he wants us to judge for ourselves that which is good and that which is bad, and make decisions based on that. He gave us the ability to judege, righteously, in accordance to the will of God.

But God does not want us to judge and to pass judgement in the form of, by way of example, condemnation, like the catholic church's excommunication policy. Judgement cannot be for the sake of condemning others, the objective of judgement has to be for the sake of pursuing God's character. Else there is no decision to be made without judgement.

sad

Feeling unloved.

Updated

Hi hi

It has been a month since i updated. Been really lazy. Ha ha.. sue me.

I do not know if i will lapse in this blog. A part of me wonders if anyone even reads this dull and decrepit blog.

I feel torn. I am lost between two worlds. The one world calls me to perform. To play the roles i know i have to play. As a leader, I am called to be courageous even when i do not know where I am taking my men to. When i am in JYC, i realise that i am not sure if i know enough to lead the youth. WHen i am in Young Adults, i again wonder why am i there. Can i share enough to edify the rest? Sometimes, i am called to lead. Can i do that? I have seen so little, know even less then the adults. I sturuggle because i know not what i do.

Yet today, as i QT, I heard, or at least i think i did, God. I feel that God is calling me to take my faith. And say that God is real. YEt sometimes when i hear his voice, the promises do not fold out. And i say that oh, i did not hear God. But then when can i know that i hear god or not. Is there fear that holds me back from knowing god more, because i want to, but i am not knowing God more.

I know little of the bible. What do i know? The areas i think i know, people simply think that i am wrong and gloss over my thoughts. The people whom i come into contact with, the peers i have, they seem to disregard me. They seem to totally ignore me, and treat me as an fool.

Maybe that is who i am. Maybe all i am is to listen to others, and to hear their cries. Again i ask, why do i hear others cries, but no one hears mine. My cries are buried behind what i say, what i present, can you not hear? Do you not see?

This mask i wear, the person you see, is not the person. i do not know where i have gone. The person whom many people knew, he has died. I admit. I am proud. I am arrogant. Boring maybe. I talk too much, i flounder. I try to be heard. I want to be heard. Truth is, i do not think i was made to be heard.

I am proud because inside, my world has crumbled. Look around you. The people who are proud, who achieve much, are all hiding. The truth is, all of us, the high flyers, the proud, failures, all have a dark room in our lives. The place where we desperately do not want others in. The place where we want others to stay away from. The place where we run to to make ourselves feel lousy to feel god. The place where we say that we hide, when in fact, the devil uses the pain we have there to make us feel good about being useless.

My world inside has crubled. If you come in, if you knock, i will fall over. I have nothing to hold on to. No success to speak of. No place i can run to and say, there is my confidence. So many times i try to create an image, a place in me where i appear to be strong. But i am not strong there. I am not strong at all in any place.

Do i know god? No i do not. I do not know if i believe in him. If i hear him. I do not know if he is near. Nor do i know if he is real.

But this i want to believe. That he is Real. That he is near. That he is true. That the voices i hear are those of him. When he says that He is god, when he says that he is real. When he says that he wants me. When he says that he wants to test my faith. Wants to bring out the real me out. The man who is secure in nothing but christ. Am i secure in christ? Am i insecure because i appear not to be able to hear him? Or am i secure because i believe him.

I think it is the latter. Hearing God does not mean we are secure in christ. hearing god means we need to hear to be secure. Hearing God means we need to be secure in having promises being fufilled. I think God wants me to trust him, even when he does not seem to fulfil his promises. I think God wants me to trust that he is God. That i am man, and that i am loved by him. That means, that i may not be blessed in the fashion that we think we should get. The fashion that some chruches preach, that we are blessed with riches, health and happiness.

I think, god wants me to have a complete confidence in him. that i can walk stoically saying , not that i know the bible so well i can quote. Not that i can say that i know God's voice and i can heal thousands and save millions. But that i have the faith, the faith that God is there. And i can go through all things. And there is where my confidence lies.