Losing Sight

I lost sight of God today.

Yesterday, something happened. And i realised i have in so many times, been uable to explain why i did the things i did. Why i did the things i did. I really do not know why. But later on as i reflect, i fully understand the reasons why i did the things i did. And now there is this fear that all my reasons are justifications for what i did.

I pose a question to anyone who will answer; if you do something without knowing why, and when questioned later, after some thoughts are able to explain the reasons for the things you do, are you justifying your actions? Or are you supposed to know why you do what you do at the time of event?

Anyway, back to the post. Today, I just lost sight of Him. I hid from him. His voice i just did not hear. Could not hear. Possibly did not want to hear. I held grudges in my heart. I bore pain in me, anger, wounds i did not let out.

Tonight however, i entered into his presence again. Like a recalcitrant child, i was gently rebuked. And each time, i need him more then ever. There is so much i realise i need to be with God. Hearing His voice. Feeling His presence. Knowing his heart. Knowing God. Nothing beats that. Nothing.

God, i never i want to lose sight of you. Keep me at your side always.
Amen