Loving when unloved.

It has been a very long time since i blogged. So much has happened, some good, some bad, some upsetting. some building, some destroying.

The bible speaks of people who use their lives as messages from God. Always i admired them, now i admire them more. It is one thing to know God. It is one thing to Love God. But it is one thing to be called to live a life that examplifies the ministry that God gives you. When your ministry is your life.

Recently been feeling very used and rejected by everyone. And for someone to whom relationship is so so dear to my heart, when you are used, rejected, and not encouraged, it hurts so so much.

Everytime i bring this back to God, God says this: This is how I feel.

I always believed that it was then my job to tell people, to teach people about this pain. After 6 months, i still felt the same pain. Then God said, love my people the way i love them.

How God? How can i love your people with such hurts. When i am rejected. When I am in pain. Yet God is calling me to love them this way. And it hurts. When you are called to love one or two people, it is easier. When you feel all alone, all used, how can you go on. Only by God. Only with God. Only through God.

I thank God even now, even now, i can still hear His voice. And last night was reminded that I had this gift that was rare. The gift of hearing God accurately. Something i totally forgot. That for me to lean and drink of God's presence, is so much easier for me then for most.

I like to say i have a truly intimate relationship with God. Not as a boast, but because without God, i am nothing. Without God, i will be a wreck, crumbled, totally over. Totally collapsed. The only thing holding me together, is God.

God, without you, I am naught.