Resumes and life
I just went for my first job application test.
But this is not about that.
I was preparing my resume, the evidence of my life. The varying things i have done with the time i have spent in school. the activities and events i have helped to plan and to organise and etc.
And i was reflecting on my life. As i write out my resume, i am forced to reflect on what happened at that period of time in my life. I am forced to think back on my journey so far. On whether my life has made a difference.
Honestly, i don't know. Personally, i think i have not made much of a difference, but my friends have told me otherwise. That in some way i have impacted them. In some ways, i have changed their lives. I hope i did.
I don't know if the journey i have taken so far is with God for God. I don't know if what i am doing is for his glory. I don't even know if what i hear is from him. I don't even know if I hear God anymore. My faith is crumbling as i look at how little i have travelled. At what i have done.
Every moment i spend trying to be a christian is faking it. I don't know if i am in the light anymore. Nor if i am still just fighting a losing battle. Sin creeps and knocks at my door. Desire to avoid God comes so strongly.
I am pressing on because i know not what now. I am pressing on because i need to. i am pressing on because people need me to.
God can you send an angel. I just need to know, i am ok.
The victory i once had i lost. I life i once led i lost. The passions i once had i lost. Everything that i have is stripped away. Even my faith. Do i have faith to cling on to a hope i cannot see, to a God i cannot hear. To a truth i cannot understand? is this blind faith?
I want the old william back. The one who was alive. The one who lived. I lost him somewhere. Why am i always fighting? God what do you have for me?
But this is not about that.
I was preparing my resume, the evidence of my life. The varying things i have done with the time i have spent in school. the activities and events i have helped to plan and to organise and etc.
And i was reflecting on my life. As i write out my resume, i am forced to reflect on what happened at that period of time in my life. I am forced to think back on my journey so far. On whether my life has made a difference.
Honestly, i don't know. Personally, i think i have not made much of a difference, but my friends have told me otherwise. That in some way i have impacted them. In some ways, i have changed their lives. I hope i did.
I don't know if the journey i have taken so far is with God for God. I don't know if what i am doing is for his glory. I don't even know if what i hear is from him. I don't even know if I hear God anymore. My faith is crumbling as i look at how little i have travelled. At what i have done.
Every moment i spend trying to be a christian is faking it. I don't know if i am in the light anymore. Nor if i am still just fighting a losing battle. Sin creeps and knocks at my door. Desire to avoid God comes so strongly.
I am pressing on because i know not what now. I am pressing on because i need to. i am pressing on because people need me to.
God can you send an angel. I just need to know, i am ok.
The victory i once had i lost. I life i once led i lost. The passions i once had i lost. Everything that i have is stripped away. Even my faith. Do i have faith to cling on to a hope i cannot see, to a God i cannot hear. To a truth i cannot understand? is this blind faith?
I want the old william back. The one who was alive. The one who lived. I lost him somewhere. Why am i always fighting? God what do you have for me?
Labels: i dun know anymore
posted by W | Wednesday, March 14, 2007
1 Comments:
Remember His goodness to you in the past. Remember His faithfulness. Remember His neverfailing promises. "I will never leave you nor forsake you".... come silently before the Lord and let His presence fill you. He doesn't want you to be fighting.. but following...
Post a Comment
<< Home