I pisteuo (believe). Help my apistia (unbelief).

Yancy says it best. Faith and doubt must coexist.

I really admire some of my friends who's life is so deep with faith in God. People from VCF, like Ming Hui, like Paul. People' who's faith in God is so strong. Guo Yi's who's knowledge of God's word is the foundation of his faith.

And when i dig deeper, my faith is built on shaky ground. I even wonder if i have built my house on sand, or worse on water. I wonder where do i stand will i even stand. I wonder where i will fall.

Last night i told a friend i am skipping church. Immediately, Holy spirit said, do you trust me. Thursday night, someone prophesied over me, telling me that God is calling me to make Him my rock. God is my rock. Something so easy to say, so hard to do. So hard to do.

God is asking me to trust Him. And it is so hard. Because I have seen too much to be unable to distrust God, yet seen too little to be able to say Amen. Is my faith real?


I think i want to ask. Is my faith unreal. Do i lack the faith that peope have. Do i even have faith. Would people even call me a christian? Would anyone actually say that i know God? Am i living a life as one approved by God? Am i choosing God over everything.

My faith sounds so ego centric, all I, I, I, but to be honest, that is what faith is. A response to God's call. Jesus told the woman,

"Your faith has made you whole"
and again
"Arise and go your way, Your faith has made you whole" (luke 8:48 and 17:19)

Faith is your response to God's call, God's purpose, God's plan, God's will, God's way. Faith is a response to who God is. Faith is an active belief.

Faith comes by hearing, and Hearing the word [Rhema] word of God. (Rom 10:17). I did get the rhema word, but that is the problem. I have seen too little to believe and too much not to believe.

God i believe. Help my unbelief